God’s Hand in The Design of an Unstoppable Marriage!

“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another” Proverbs 27:17 NIV

To go on this journey, we need to start from the place that God is our number one! He is greater than the marriage. It’s His design in the first place! Our posture is one of learning from this place. Learning from all facets of God; Jesus, Holy Spirit and Father God.

Jesus  

When Jesus died for us, He spoke covenant, bringing us into full relationship with Him! Not a distant God, but a tangible expression of His love, through His death and resurrection! 

Ultimately, however, how we respond to this, is our choice. If love was a feeling it would come and go; union with God is not a feeling, it’s a choice. 

Love in marriage is not a feeling either, it is a choice! It shows up patiently, not boastful, not self-seeking, not envious. Love is a deep unity, strengthened through intentionality - like “How can I love you better today?” - fully underpinned by God’s unity of us and His grace for us in marriage.

Love aims to protect the relationship, build trust. Love is filled with hope and fights for connection, always. Love is present even when, for whatever reason, we don’t feel it. We are to love ourselves in the moment, as Christ loves us. Love is the fidelity that endures. Love is giving yourself to the other person fully, just as we do with God our ultimate love, joy and hope.

Holy Spirit

So how do we protect this love from the one that comes to steal, kill and destroy! Jesus left us with the Holy Spirit, in us and around us. “And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate, who will never leave you.” John 14:16 NLT

He created complementary spiritual roles. Setting the husband to be the spiritual leader of his wife, and the wife to be responsible for the atmosphere that is set surrounding the family. They are not opposing forces but rather, they fully cover both the spiritual space in us and the spiritual space around us. 

Husband and wife are however students of each other seeking to understand one another with God at the center. Humbly coming together to create a new beautiful spiritual legacy, always seeking to out serve the other.

Father God

A father is responsible for providing life’s necessities; a secure, safe environment for the family. A father takes the lead on spiritual training by way of example, discipline and instruction. A mother takes the lead in bringing a creative atmosphere of care, love and nurturing. We are both responsible for reflecting Jesus’ love and the Father’s heart to our children.  We both stand firm in God and the gifts we have, to bring about a place of zero fear, but rather of power and authority. Identity and destiny are fully protected by both.

Husband and wife are both responsible for creating an environment that sustains life, hope, honor and destiny for family!

Faithfulness in marriage is the foundation of trust. Honesty shows up through truthfully sharing what each person is thinking and feeling. If this is in any way difficult, allow for patience, time, listening and understanding. This looks like living with nothing hidden from each other, choosing to show up fully and authentically to share no matter what. If for whatever reason information is delayed or withheld, then the “Why?” must be shared to understand the reason behind this. Integrity can then be rebuilt; providing a safe environment to continue sharing in future, no matter what. Consistent, healthy behaviors in daily life also help to build trust and create a place of safety, protection and trust-building.

Marriage is about valuing the other person above one’s self, like allowing them to talk and be understood, or allowing the, to be acknowledged for coming up with a good solution. That said, it’s not about diving into the solutions first off - it’s about listening and understanding first. Seek to understand how the other person will feel respected, first! Then ask great questions to understand even more deeply, if the solution is invited; then provide advice at the right time, and with each other's roles in mind which might encourage one or the other to take responsibility, take ownership and lead.

In Closing

Marriage in short is unity, a merger, and a full reflection of everything God is IN us and AROUND us. We have the privilege of honoring His Heavenly vision for family through ourselves, our marriage and our children. With our identity and faith firmly in Jesus, we seek to cover each other in an eternal dance of leadership and serving. Where husband and wife, like tennis, aim to out serve each other, and as leaders seek relentlessly to fully reflect all that Christ paid for; and in doing so, with Jesus at the center, the everlasting adventure of marriage begins. I invite you to eagerly embrace and step into the unstoppable beauty of God’s design for marriage.